Pilot

I just didn't want to do it!  A blog?  Come on.  You have to have a cool camera, be almost perfect, and tell the world what wonderful things you do so that people will follow you around and want to be your friend.  I didn't need that.  I mean... I don't need that.  So stop reading.  Okay?

There. So anyway.  I'm not perfect.  I kinda stink at writing and articulating what I feel.  And there is something really stinky in my room right now that makes me think that poop from my two year old's diaper got on my bed somewhere.  Ha!  But there is something to know.  I do tell the truth.  And I want to share my journey to pure.  My project.  You see, because I am so far from pure.  I have quite the road ahead of me.  And most important.....I've got it!  The desire that is.  I have the desire to be pure.  Not perfect. 

A little background.  Recently after many moons (all my life) of being quite on the heavy side (the word obese is still hard for me to say) I lost a good amount of weight.  Short and sweet....I always weighed over 200 and in June 2012 I reached 142 lbs!!  And I did it in a healthy, changing my life style kind of way.  No diets.  Just went less processed, more green, more active.  And after everyone asking me what I really did.  No one believed me that I ate bread and dessert still and that I just had a green smoothie every morning.  I decided you know what?  It really was more than that.  I changed how I thought about myself.  This is no easy task. After years of thinking "It's just who I am", changing one's self truth is a feat.  The question I now ask to people when they ask me how I lost weight is this:  "Is 50% or more of what you think of yourself negative"? The answer is undoubtedly always "Yes".  In my mind the key to weight loss is in this question, or rather the answer.  

I always thought you had to hate yourself enough to change.  What I learned was I had to love myself enough to change.

Is anyone still reading this?  If so...what's your answer?  

A year ago I would have said my answer was 97.5%.  Yep, almost 100% negative thoughts about myself.  Would you call that hatred, animosity, loathing?  I would. So, how did I change? That is a very good question.  And partly the reason I am starting this blog.  Because you see, I'm pregnant now.  Which brings a whole different world into play: for me anyhow.  It means you gain weight.  You are supposed to, right?  It means 3 months of feeling like you can't even get out of bed, let alone bathe yourself.  It means if you have a habit of thinking negative things about yourself, dun dun dun.. this is the perfect trap.  Lazy, good for nothing, eat what ever your stomach can handle, (which is usually junk).  It means pure yuckiness.  And then there is the whole "You're pregnant, it doesn't matter" mindset. Ya, well, to that I say: "PISH POSH"  is that how you spell that?  It does matter!  This is the time it SHOULD matter the most.  There is a little tiny miracle in my body.  No more of this eat whatever, think poopy thoughts about myself again craziness.  I'm moving on and up!  Cause I've got less than 6 months of pregnancy to go and I am going to make it the best I can.  Project pure in progress.