You look like...

Over a year ago we celebrated four years of marriage by going to Kelly's island and Put-in-bay. It was a blast.  While on the dock waiting for a ferry two boys about 6 and 8 years old saw our military backpacks and asked my husband, Greg, if he was in the army. The boys were so excited to talk to him, and I stood by and smiled with adoration. The boy's family was very friendly, although their parents and grandparents acted slightly embarrassed for how smitten they were with Greg (I of course completely understood).  They asked a myriad of questions, one of which was "Hey, are you a biker"? pointing to our camel back.  Assuming they were talking about being a bicyclist, Greg said "well yeah, I am".  Then, being completely caught off guard, the older boy turned to me and asked, "Are you"?  
"Uh", I hesitated, "no, not really".  
"Oh" he replied, "yeah you look like...."  Ahhhhhhh, STOP! I wanted to shout.  Please don't say it.  Of all the worst possible times a boy could tell me what I really look like.  Not now, not on our anniversary, not in front of all these people.  All the possible responses zoomed through my head.  The ones I dreaded but believed.  Pregnant, he's going to say pregnant or out of shape. He really wouldn't come out and say the f word (fat) in front of everyone would he?
"A runner".  A RUNNER he said.  "you look like a runner".  Shocked out of my mind, I stuttered, almost more embarrassed than I would have felt if he'd had said pregnant.  Because if he would have said fat or pregnant I could easily have laughed that off and said "I know, I really like to eat....ha ha ha ha."
But this I did not know how to handle.  Embarrassed that others would not agree with his outlandish statement I mumbled "someday soon", thanked him and the conversation quickly moved on.  
Oh, I can not tell you how I beamed.  I don't know another thing that was said.  I kept repeating those words to myself over and over again "I look like a runner, I LOOK LIKE A RUNNER?  Yes, I look like a runner."
It may seem foolish.  He was just a boy but the best part was that he wasn't trying to schmooze me.  He just came right out and said it.  It felt so honest, not flattery. This moment, forgotten by all but me, helped me to begin to see myself like I wanted to.  
To this young boy, where ever you may be, Thank you, you'll never know what you did for me! Many negative comments I remember, but this one great positive has stuck with me.  Every time I run, I repeat these words over and over again.  I am a Runner!

Never underestimate the power of words.  They really can change the world.
Can you think of a time that someone's compliment changed how you saw yourself?

Project pure:

• Start to say the things that I want to believe about myself.  

          I am healthy.  I am beautiful.  I am strong.  I can do this.  

• Believe the compliments that others pay me. (extremely difficult for Rinda)
• Choose my words wisely.  Compliment those around me for the great things they do and the amazing people they are.

Project Plan

Pure
1. free from harshness or roughness and being in tune
2. free from what vitiates, weakens or pollutes: containing nothing that does not properly belong
                                                                                                                                                 

Do you know what I love most about these definitions?  They both begin with the words "free from". By striving to be pure in my mind, body and spirit I am setting myself free.  Free from negative self talk, and the inability to become the very best I can.

Project pure:

• Once a week eat completely clean. Fresh, homemade yumminess.
• Once a week declutter my surroundings. Give it away, throw it away.  We have way too much stuff, and it's causing some impure thoughts.
• The rest of the time be aware of when I feel those grumpy thoughts flowing and change them into happy ones. 

 This plan is up for revision.  I will report what I eat and how I am making changes.  If nothing else this blog really is great for some accountability.  I ate better today than I have in three months.

Pilot

I just didn't want to do it!  A blog?  Come on.  You have to have a cool camera, be almost perfect, and tell the world what wonderful things you do so that people will follow you around and want to be your friend.  I didn't need that.  I mean... I don't need that.  So stop reading.  Okay?

There. So anyway.  I'm not perfect.  I kinda stink at writing and articulating what I feel.  And there is something really stinky in my room right now that makes me think that poop from my two year old's diaper got on my bed somewhere.  Ha!  But there is something to know.  I do tell the truth.  And I want to share my journey to pure.  My project.  You see, because I am so far from pure.  I have quite the road ahead of me.  And most important.....I've got it!  The desire that is.  I have the desire to be pure.  Not perfect. 

A little background.  Recently after many moons (all my life) of being quite on the heavy side (the word obese is still hard for me to say) I lost a good amount of weight.  Short and sweet....I always weighed over 200 and in June 2012 I reached 142 lbs!!  And I did it in a healthy, changing my life style kind of way.  No diets.  Just went less processed, more green, more active.  And after everyone asking me what I really did.  No one believed me that I ate bread and dessert still and that I just had a green smoothie every morning.  I decided you know what?  It really was more than that.  I changed how I thought about myself.  This is no easy task. After years of thinking "It's just who I am", changing one's self truth is a feat.  The question I now ask to people when they ask me how I lost weight is this:  "Is 50% or more of what you think of yourself negative"? The answer is undoubtedly always "Yes".  In my mind the key to weight loss is in this question, or rather the answer.  

I always thought you had to hate yourself enough to change.  What I learned was I had to love myself enough to change.

Is anyone still reading this?  If so...what's your answer?  

A year ago I would have said my answer was 97.5%.  Yep, almost 100% negative thoughts about myself.  Would you call that hatred, animosity, loathing?  I would. So, how did I change? That is a very good question.  And partly the reason I am starting this blog.  Because you see, I'm pregnant now.  Which brings a whole different world into play: for me anyhow.  It means you gain weight.  You are supposed to, right?  It means 3 months of feeling like you can't even get out of bed, let alone bathe yourself.  It means if you have a habit of thinking negative things about yourself, dun dun dun.. this is the perfect trap.  Lazy, good for nothing, eat what ever your stomach can handle, (which is usually junk).  It means pure yuckiness.  And then there is the whole "You're pregnant, it doesn't matter" mindset. Ya, well, to that I say: "PISH POSH"  is that how you spell that?  It does matter!  This is the time it SHOULD matter the most.  There is a little tiny miracle in my body.  No more of this eat whatever, think poopy thoughts about myself again craziness.  I'm moving on and up!  Cause I've got less than 6 months of pregnancy to go and I am going to make it the best I can.  Project pure in progress.